Heal Me ©

Heal Me ©

I’m thoroughly convinced love doesn’t exist. Nowhere, no how. There is no such thing as a soul mate. Call me a pessimist if you must but I’m just keeping it real. I gave Joshua all I had to give; my time, my energy, my love, my body, my mind, my soul, and my spirit. Then the nerve of this fool to throw it away like it was nothing. It devastated me to the deepest depths of my spirit. Then I thought I had got on the rebound when I started dating this guy named Jarin. I was wrong again. Come to find out Jarin was on the downlow on the low-down.
After that I decided I was officially through with love. I know I treat men who are genuinely interested in me cruelly. Hey, I’m sorry. But I’m not going to put myself out there to get hurt because I hate to sound cliché all men are the same. 

Once they get you where they want you they will treat you like a piece of crap. I’m not going to let that happen to me anymore. 

“Elena, Elena, Elena. What do you want to drink?” My sister, Jaslene waving her hand in my face interrupted my internal rant. “A long island ice tea.”, I nastily replied to the waitress.
 As soon as the waitress walked away, Jaslene started interrogating me, “What in the hell is wrong with you?” “Nothing not a damn thing.” “Okay nothing. Well you need to work your problem out with nothing before ol’ girl spits in both of our drinks.” “Whatever, fuck her too.” “Does this have something to do with Joshua?” “Who the fuck is Joshua? I was sick of her brining up his damn name while I was trying to forget him. “Oh don’t act funny Elena.” “I’m not trying to act funny. I’m just trying to get over that bullshit with him and you keep bringing his no good ass up.” “Well gosh, I’m sorry.”

I could tell I hurt Jaslene’s feelings from the way she looked away, “I’m sorry Jass. It’s just I had a bad week at work and that shit with Joshua is still urkin me. Then on top of that the whole Jarin fiasco.”
Jaslene eyes grew black with anger, “Fuck Jarin. Fuckers like him are the reason black women are dying at the rate we are. I’m so glad you didn’t have sex with him.” “Girl you ain’t the only one.” The waitress returned with our drinks, “I’m sorry, Karen.” I said as I glanced at her nametag. “It’s okay.” she said with a nervous "oh-shit" grin. Okay I was most definitely wasn’t drinking that. 

Jaslene sipped on her drink until something caught her eye. “Damn girl. That’s fine.” “Where?” “Umm coming in the door right now.”
I turned around to see what she was talking about and damn she never lied. He was about six-feet, sexy ass milk chocolate skin, dark eyes made for seducing, silky black hair with a Caesar cut, a pretty ass smile, and a swag that I could feel. He looked familiar as hell but I couldn’t place him from anywhere. “He aight, he ain’t all that.” “Okay, whatever bitch don't even front. I tell ya if I won't married. I’d do some terrible things to him." She said with a devilish grin. 

He went and sat at the bar that was directly across from where we were sitting. Jaslene stared at him like he was something to eat. “Damn Jas give him his fucking face back.” “Fuck you. I’d give his ass something aight.” “You’re so nasty.” “Anyways I don’t think he’s checking me anyway. It looks like he checking you.” “What the fuck ever.” “Oh my god, he’s coming over here. Oh my god. Oh my god.”

I felt someone approached our table I kept my eyes fixed on my drink.
 “Excuse me miss.” I looked up and there he stood, “Yes?” “Who does your hair?” Oh no, not another funny boy. “Umm Headhunterz, Shena does my hair, why?” “Damn I knew I knew you from somewhere.” “I work in Shena’s barber shop next door.” I blew a sigh of relief. I knew his face was familiar. I didn’t forget sexy ass faces like his. “Oh hell yeah. I knew I knew you from somewhere. How you doing?” “I’m good and you?” “I’m good.” “That’s good.” “Yeah well I just wanted to speak, you be looking so mean coming up out Shena’s. I be scared to speak, you look a little bit more subdued today.”
He said as he flashed me that pretty ass megawatt smile. I returned a half-hearted fake smile, “You know how Shena is with that double booking and shit. But yeah it was nice seeing you as well, stay up.” “You do the same.” he said as he returned to the bar. 

As soon as he was out of earshot Jaslene started yacking, “Damn I ain’t know niggas like that worked up in that barber shop. I may have to start taking junior there to get his hair cut.” “Like I said he ain’t all that.” “Girl whatever. Just because you’re on this I hate men kick don’t mean I gotta be on it too.”

Jaslene finished her two drinks and I covered the bills and drove her home. After I got into my condo, I took a long hot lavender bath and put on my pajamas. I sat back with a new book and a glass of wine. This was pathetic because at age twenty-three this was slowing becoming my Friday night routine. A few months ago on Friday night Joshua and I were up in here being each other’s love slaves. Till this day I wonder where things went wrong. I did everything to the best of my ability; I cooked for him, loved him, supported him, listened to him, and gave him my all. Until one day he told me he thought we should see other people not too long after that I saw him trolling the mall with some gutter butt bitch. What did she have that I didn’t? 

Tears spilled from eyes and onto the pages in the book.
I decided to go to sleep before I got some crazy ideas like riding past his house and firebombing that piece of shit. Hmmm that didn’t sound like too bad of an idea as a matter of fact. I laid down and drifted off to sleep. At five-thirty my alarm woke me up, I got dressed to go the fitness center in my building. I did my hour and a half work out. I went back upstairs took a shower and got dressed to go to the salon. When I arrived at Headhunterz it was already buzzing, I sat down and hoped Shena would be with me soon. After about thirty minutes I got my hair washed and was sitting in Shena’s chair. “Aye Shena. I bumped into one of the guys that cuts hair next door. The one with the pretty ass smile.” Shena instantly knew who I was talking about; his smile was really all that, “You’re talking about Sebastian. He fine ain’t he girl?” “He aight.” Shena rolled her eyes at me. “Whatever. But what about him?” “What’s the deal?” “Okay he aight. Well he has no kids, he’s single, he stay over in Riverdale. He cool as hell. Is that enough information?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” I was in the shop another two and a half hours before my head was right to face another week.
I strutted out the shop a guy leaving out the barbershop whistled at me. I wasn't a dog so I didn’t respond to that type of behavior. I turned around to see who it was though some old geezer. Then I saw him I could finally put a name with the face Sebastian. He smiled at me, “For once you don’t have that mean mug. How are you doing today?” “I’m fine.” His eyes moved up and down my body like an elevator, “I see. What’s your name by the way?” “I’m Elena, and you are?”
I couldn’t let him know I got the scoop on his ass, “I’m Sebastian nice to meet you, Elena.” I liked the way he said my name. He was wearing a white T that accentuated his muscles, a pair of True Religions, and a pair of black and white Jordans. I was wearing a tight black tight shirt that said, YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME in white letters, a pair of tight fitting skinny jeans, and a pair of black Gucci flats. “So I mean nothing to you?” “Huh?” “He pointed to my shirt.” I laughed, “Long story.” “I bet. Would you mind telling me? If I asked.” “Depends.” “On?” “I don’t know. If you’re a good listener.” “I’d like to think I am.” “Uh huh.”
I said with my voice full of skepticism. “How about you tell me over dinner?” “When?” “Tonight.” “I’m sorry Sebastian I have plans with my sister.” I said lying

I could see the disappointment on his face, “Oh I understand. But listen if you feel like talking here’s my card.”, Sebastian reached into his back pocket and pulled out a business card. “Will do.” I was tempted to give him mine but felt it was against my better judgment. “Have a good day, Sebastian.” “Yeah I’m bout to. I got off early today.” “Yeah enjoy your day.” “Yeah you do the same.”

I pressed the unlock button on the keypad to my Lexus GS 350. I hopped in and watched as he walked to his car his swag was vicious. But like all men he was the same trifling as hell. I screeched off tires and headed to Panera Bread to get a Chicken Caesar salad and head home. I flicked his business card into the passenger seat. 

After I left Panera I decided to head to Jaslene’s instead. As usually my niece Mekla and my nephew Maxwell were raising all types of hell. Jaslene had gotten married to a military man fresh out of high school in three years they had two kids who were only ten months apart. She was my sister so I wouldn’t judge her because she made her decision. But some days I really questioned whether or not she was happy.
 I yelled, “Honey I’m home.” as I stepped into the living room. I could hear Jaslene call my name from the kitchen, “I’m in here.” I walked into the kitchen she was fixing Mekla and Maxwell’s snack. I passed her the bag with her sandwich in it. “Thanks babes.” “No problem.”

I sat down at the kitchen table, “Guess who I saw today.” “Who?” “That guy from Crazy Jack’s last night.” “Fine ass.” “Not fine ass but that guy from last night.” “Like I said fine ass. Where you see him at?” “When I was coming out the salon. He was on his way to his car. He tried to stop and spit game but I wasn’t having it.” “You’re so fucking stupid Elena.” “Why you say that?” “That muthafucka is fine as all hell.” “Like I said , before he ain’t all that. I’ve seen better.”
Jaslene gave me a skeptical look, “Where is this place where you've seen better so I can go?” I thought about it for a second, “Don’t worry about it you’re married.” Jaslene looked around to make sure the kids weren’t in earshot, “Not for long.” “What you mean by that?” “Girl I’m divorcing Maxwell Sr.. You remember when he went down to Arizona a while back for some type of training?” I thought about it, “Yeah I guess.” “Well how about I get a letter addressed to me a few days ago from some bitch saying she has a baby by Maxwell Sr. in Tempe. She even sent me a picture with DNA test results enclosed.”
Jaslene slid an envelope across the table towards me. I opened it and inside there was a picture of a beautiful baby girl that was almost identical to Maxwell Sr.; same eyes, same lips, same nose, same head, just everything. “Looks just like Maxwell Sr. doesn't it?” I looked again, “Yeah. I’m sorry sis. Have you told Maxwell Sr. you know?” “I haven’t had a chance yet. He’s gone to some type of “training” right now.” “Damn.”

I really didn’t know what to say. I had never particularly cared for Maxwell Sr. but tolerated him on the principle that he was married to my sister. I saw Jaslene let a tear or two slide from her eyes. “Best believe this muthafucka's shit is going to be packed and ready to go when he gets back next Thursday though.” “I’ll help you.”
This further gave evidence to my theory men ain’t shit. Here you have a man with a beautiful wife, two beautiful children, a beautiful home, nice cars, and everything you could want out of life. But he still isn’t satisfied and fucks around and has a child with another woman. Ain’t that some shit? 

I sat around Jaslene’s crib with her for another two hours talking about how men weren’t shit. “I know you told me to drop this Elena. But I really think you should talk to that guy that works for Shena. He seems cool. Like he’s your type and what not.” “That’s a bad thing if he’s my type. That means he ain’t hitting on nothing.” “Elena you can’t let that shit with Joshua and Jarin deter you. There is someone for everyone. Same thing with Maxwell Sr. and I. I’m not going to let him deter from finding love.” I felt like throwing up as Jaslene gave me this pep talk. How could she be so optimistic when she had just found out her husband was boinking other woman on the regular?
 I wouldn’t be half as upbeat. “Well Jaslene he gave me his card.” “And?” Jaslene was looking at me with an expectant look on her face

“And what? What did you do with it?” “It’s in my car somewhere.” “Well you should put it to good use.” “Doubt it. He looks like he a player.” “Looks can be deceiving.” “Whatever.”

As I walked out the door Jaslene called after me, “Remember what I said. Don’t let bad things deter you. Love is real Elena.”

On my way home I really thought about what Jaslene said. Jaslene had this way to always make things seem so beautiful and hopeful.
 I picked up Sebastian’s card from my passenger seat. I debated calling him or not. NOT! 

I got into the house, took a shower, and put on a tanktop and sweatpants. I turned on my DVD player. My phone ringing interrupted my movie. I looked down at my caller ID. I didn’t recognize the name or the number. “Hello, Elena James.” “Umm hello, I didn’t expect you to be home.” “Sebastian is that you?” I heard him let out a nervous laugh, “Yeah.” “How did you get my number?” “Shena.” I mumbled, I was going to get her under my breath. “Listen Elena, I could tell from the way you took my card today you were never going to call me. I don’t know if I’m out of line for stepping to you this way. But when I see something I want I go for it, and you’re most definitely something I want.”
I sighed, “Listen Sebastian I’m flattered you went through so much trouble to get in contact with me. But right now I’m chilling on the whole dating thing. I hope you understand.” I could hear the unmistakable sound of disappointment in his voice, “I’m sorry to hear that. You’re a beautiful woman Elena. I hate to see you’re so bitter.”

Oh no this fool ain’t just call me bitter, “Excuse me? Bitter?” “Yes you heard me bitter. It’s written all over your face and it’s in your voice. Listen I’m sorry Elena, I can’t help what the last man, or the man before the last man did. I can just be me. I’ve wanted to get to know you better since the first time I saw you. But you just have this get the fuck back look and attitude about you.” Offended wasn’t even the word for what I was feeling.
“Listen Sebastian you don’t even know me, so I suggest you fall back. I am not bitter in the least bit, I’ve just come to the realization men ain’t shit.” Sebastian burst out laughing, “Uh Sebastian I don’t see anything funny.” Through laughs Sebastian responded, “I do. Elena you’re trying to play this tough role that ain’t you. I’m sorry you feel that way. It was nice talking to you, stay up sweetie.” With that he hung up. 

Good riddens to him, bastard. I was so angry I decided to go work out. I put on my sneakers and went to the fitness center in my condo. I worked out until Larry the super told me someone in the apartment below was complaining. Fuck them I know the person who lodged the complaint and they needed their ass in the gym more than I needed mine in there.
 I went back to my apartment took another shower and went to sleep.

The next morning I got up and went to church and praised God. The sermon was about not letting the devil take your joy, he touched on one point that spoke directly to me about not letting bad relationships steal your joy. After I left church I went to my grandma’s for Sunday dinner and went home. 

Monday morning I went to work I was a web designer. I knew I was going to be working late hours all this week due to one of my clients overhauling the whole entire image of their company. It was a pain in the ass but that hellified check I was getting made it all worth it. I didn’t get out of the office until about quarter till ten. 

That’s why I couldn’t believe it when I rode past the barbershop and Sebastian’s car was still outside. What he said and what the preacher had said resonated in my head. I decided that this was sign from God that on a Monday at damn near ten o’ clock at night Sebastian was still there. I pulled up in front of the barbershop and parked. Sebastian was sweeping the floor. I walked up to the door and pulled it was locked. Sebastian looked up and when he saw it was me he unlocked it. I gave him a quick smile as he let me in, “Thanks.” “No problem. What brings you here this late at night?” I sat down in one of the chairs and twirled around, “I was on my way home from work and I saw you were still here. I came to apologize for how I acted towards you the other night. I’m really sorry.” “It’s aight.” “And I would like to take you up on your offer.”
Sebastian thought about it, “Why should I?” I thought about it, “Good question, you don’t have any reason to say yes. But please it’s my treat. I want to make it up to you.” Sebastian looked like he was in deep thought, “Cool. Just let me lock up and I’ll be ready.” It was a restaurant directly down the street from the shop. “Meet me at Hannah’s.” “Aight.”

I went into Hannah’s as usual it was slow because it was Monday. I got a table for two and waited for Sebastian. He showed up in five minutes. Damn he did look good.
 He sat down directly across from me. I was finally getting a good chance to study his face. He had some smooth ass skin to be a grown ass man. “How old are you Sebastian?” “Twenty-four. Why?” “You have a very young face. I ain’t trying to be R. Kelly.” Sebastian flashed me that million-dollar smile, “So are you?” “No, actually you’re older than me. I’m twenty-three.” “Cool, so what do you do?” “I’m a web designer.” “Oh yeah Shena did tell me that?” “Out of curiosity what else did Shena tell you?” “Nothing much really. She told me you were single, no kids, and was smart.” from the look on his face I could tell he knew more. “Uh huh. She basically told me some of the same things about you.” “Uh huh. So you were checking for a brother?” “You can say that. I don’t like talking to complete strangers.” “I feel ya.”

The waitress came back with our drinks.
Over dinner I found more out about Sebastian turns out we were in high school together and everything. Ain’t that a bitch? Before I knew it I had spilled the whole Jarin and Joshua drama to him. Sebastian intently listened as I told the story and just like that the tears came. Sebastian’s face showed sympathy. “I’m sorry to hear about that. As for Joshua, he’ll come around trust me. And that Jarin dude just needs help.” Sebastian and I talked until the restaurant closed. Sebastian walked me to my car and gave me a kiss goodnight on the cheek. “Call me Elena.”

I couldn’t wait to get home to call him.


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