I had my daughter before I
was even old enough to legally drink. And you know what? I don’t regret. But
no, I wouldn’t recommend young parenthood to anyone; it’s not easy. However, I have
been abundantly blessed because I have a village and through the help of my
village I have been able to bring many of my goals to fruition and without them
these would have been but dreams deferred.
Honestly I never even saw myself being a parent especially
a single parent at that. I don’t harbor any animosity towards my daughter’s
father he is who he is. He was like that when I met him but being the person I
was I thought I could change him. The most valuable lesson I took away from our
relationship is that change must be internal never external. People have to
want to change for themselves. But that’s a TOTALLY different story.
Dating as single parent is different for a number of
reasons. 1) I have to be very selective of who I let into my life. 2) People
make assumptions about people who have a child(ren). 3) Sadly, a lot of dudes
think by dating a single mom they are doing her a favor.
I am not a charity case. When I first realized I was
going to be a single parent I dreaded dated so I cut myself out to the
possibility of even finding a loving partner. I gave up hope. I mean who would
want me? I had “baggage”. But to my surprise I found some guys who were
genuinely interested in me and that was encouraging. But then there were the
benevolent suitors. The guys who felt like by dating me they were doing me a
“favor”. I can always tell the benevolent suitor. The actions ooze fake
sincerity they ask about my daughter but it’s an after thought. They go out
their way to tell me they don’t normally date women with kids. They go out
their way to compliment me on how well I’ve done for myself in spite of my obstacles.
I’m a total woman WITHOUT a man so I don’t need anyone
that feels like they are doing me a favor. I am intelligent, able, and ambition
these qualities are not diminished by the fact that I’m also a single parent if
anything these traits are fortified through this.
No, things didn’t work out between my daughter’s father
and I. But I am not love-starved nor is she needy for a father figure (she has
four uncles, two grandfathers, and two great-grandfathers). No, I’m not
lowering my standards for you and feeling “lucky” to have someone look my way. I
know what I deserve and I’m not settling just because you in your mind I should
feel like I should somehow deserve less.
A single mother doesn’t need your sympathy or charity.
She needs someone who is a true and sincere partner. She doesn’t want to feel
like she being felt sorry for. She wants to feel sincerely and immensely loved
and valued for who she is. A single mother isn’t a martyr she is a smart,
responsible, and intelligent woman who is complete with or without you.
Don’t Be Me: The 8 Dating Mistakes I MadeBy: Ryan D. Daniels My grandma is an extremely wise woman and one of her favorite adages that she reminds me of when I’m beating myself up is, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Meaning we can always look back and see exactly where we messed up at. In all honesty, I have not had the greatest luck in love. Yes, some of the blame belongs with the men. But a lot of it belongs with me. I decided to take two years off from dating so I could take stock of where I continued to make mistakes in my dating and love life. I seek to write to help people avoid the mistakes I’ve made and here we go. My 8 Mistakes1) Involving with myself with unemotionally unavailable, uninterested men, or men who only wanted to play games. This was a big one. For some reason, I constantly chose me who made it clear they weren’t with it. My ego thought I could win them over or that I could change their mind. Do not just listen to what a man says you also need to watch what he does and if th…
Self-Care Ain’t Chocolate, Wine, and Retail TherapyBy: Ryan D. Daniels Chocolate, a whole bottle of red wine, and a trip to the mall are so often classified as “self-care”. However, they are not the only way to take care of yourself and to treat yourself well. Here are a few more ways we may not consider when it comes to living our best lives.
Why I Stopped
Auditioning By: Ryan D. Daniels Originally posted on September 24, 2016 A man wants a woman who
has her own, a woman who can cook, a woman who keeps herself up, a woman who is
this, a woman who is that. At one point in time I saw myself at least in a
happy and stable relationship by the time I was 25. Every time I became halfway
serious with a guy I started auditioning for the wife role—cooking and doing
whatever in between to make him realize I was the “one”. However, as my 26th
birthday draws nigh I realized something the man who is meant for me isn’t
going to need for me to audition.