I had my daughter before I
was even old enough to legally drink. And you know what? I don’t regret. But
no, I wouldn’t recommend young parenthood to anyone; it’s not easy. However, I have
been abundantly blessed because I have a village and through the help of my
village I have been able to bring many of my goals to fruition and without them
these would have been but dreams deferred.
Honestly I never even saw myself being a parent especially
a single parent at that. I don’t harbor any animosity towards my daughter’s
father he is who he is. He was like that when I met him but being the person I
was I thought I could change him. The most valuable lesson I took away from our
relationship is that change must be internal never external. People have to
want to change for themselves. But that’s a TOTALLY different story.
Dating as single parent is different for a number of
reasons. 1) I have to be very selective of who I let into my life. 2) People
make assumptions about people who have a child(ren). 3) Sadly, a lot of dudes
think by dating a single mom they are doing her a favor.
I am not a charity case. When I first realized I was
going to be a single parent I dreaded dated so I cut myself out to the
possibility of even finding a loving partner. I gave up hope. I mean who would
want me? I had “baggage”. But to my surprise I found some guys who were
genuinely interested in me and that was encouraging. But then there were the
benevolent suitors. The guys who felt like by dating me they were doing me a
“favor”. I can always tell the benevolent suitor. The actions ooze fake
sincerity they ask about my daughter but it’s an after thought. They go out
their way to tell me they don’t normally date women with kids. They go out
their way to compliment me on how well I’ve done for myself in spite of my obstacles.
I’m a total woman WITHOUT a man so I don’t need anyone
that feels like they are doing me a favor. I am intelligent, able, and ambition
these qualities are not diminished by the fact that I’m also a single parent if
anything these traits are fortified through this.
No, things didn’t work out between my daughter’s father
and I. But I am not love-starved nor is she needy for a father figure (she has
four uncles, two grandfathers, and two great-grandfathers). No, I’m not
lowering my standards for you and feeling “lucky” to have someone look my way. I
know what I deserve and I’m not settling just because you in your mind I should
feel like I should somehow deserve less.
A single mother doesn’t need your sympathy or charity.
She needs someone who is a true and sincere partner. She doesn’t want to feel
like she being felt sorry for. She wants to feel sincerely and immensely loved
and valued for who she is. A single mother isn’t a martyr she is a smart,
responsible, and intelligent woman who is complete with or without you.
Closed Until Further Notice By: Honey B. Baker The last two years in my dating life
have been quite simply a disaster. I have been on a couple dates that made me
wonder when a camera crew was going to come around the corner. I have met dudes
who were full of potential and others who left much to be desired. Currently,
I am jaded, embittered, and tired. For the time being I want to be left alone.
My heart and my mind are closed until further notice. Over the past two years,
I have endured a series of stinging blows that have wounded me mentally,
spiritually, and emotionally. I need time to heal.
Foreword to "To Live, Learn, and Die in Halifax Co.":
I am a lifestyle writer not a journalist. I normally write about funny stuff: love, life, and a laughter. I like making people laugh not think; I leave that to serious people. When I posted this essay it wasn't to attack anyone and it wasn't to be attacked or chided in return. Normally my posts get about 100 views in a couple of weeks but within two hours of me posting this piece it had over 1000 views. Let me be clear, I am not an expert on schools, I am not an expert on taxation, I am not an expert on the finances of Halifax County. However, anyone with two eyes can look around and see that Halifax County is SUFFERING. I wrote this piece because I have seen the effects that our piss poor schools have had on my generation and all subsequent generations. I spoke about my grandmother's work ethic and her desire to see her children do better not to focus on her parenting. It was to focus on the fact that the text…