I Am Not A Martyr (i don’t need charity/sympathy)

I Am Not A Martyr (i don’t need charity/sympathy)
By: Honey, The Writer


martyr: a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering: 
I had my daughter before I was even old enough to legally drink. And you know what? I don’t regret. But no, I wouldn’t recommend young parenthood to anyone; it’s not easy. However, I have been abundantly blessed because I have a village and through the help of my village I have been able to bring many of my goals to fruition and without them these would have been but dreams deferred.


            Honestly I never even saw myself being a parent especially a single parent at that. I don’t harbor any animosity towards my daughter’s father he is who he is. He was like that when I met him but being the person I was I thought I could change him. The most valuable lesson I took away from our relationship is that change must be internal never external. People have to want to change for themselves. But that’s a TOTALLY different story.
            Dating as single parent is different for a number of reasons. 1) I have to be very selective of who I let into my life. 2) People make assumptions about people who have a child(ren). 3) Sadly, a lot of dudes think by dating a single mom they are doing her a favor.
            I am not a charity case. When I first realized I was going to be a single parent I dreaded dated so I cut myself out to the possibility of even finding a loving partner. I gave up hope. I mean who would want me? I had “baggage”. But to my surprise I found some guys who were genuinely interested in me and that was encouraging. But then there were the benevolent suitors. The guys who felt like by dating me they were doing me a “favor”. I can always tell the benevolent suitor. The actions ooze fake sincerity they ask about my daughter but it’s an after thought. They go out their way to tell me they don’t normally date women with kids. They go out their way to compliment me on how well I’ve done for myself in spite of my obstacles.  
            I’m a total woman WITHOUT a man so I don’t need anyone that feels like they are doing me a favor. I am intelligent, able, and ambition these qualities are not diminished by the fact that I’m also a single parent if anything these traits are fortified through this.
            No, things didn’t work out between my daughter’s father and I. But I am not love-starved nor is she needy for a father figure (she has four uncles, two grandfathers, and two great-grandfathers). No, I’m not lowering my standards for you and feeling “lucky” to have someone look my way. I know what I deserve and I’m not settling just because you in your mind I should feel like I should somehow deserve less.

            A single mother doesn’t need your sympathy or charity. She needs someone who is a true and sincere partner. She doesn’t want to feel like she being felt sorry for. She wants to feel sincerely and immensely loved and valued for who she is. A single mother isn’t a martyr she is a smart, responsible, and intelligent woman who is complete with or without you.

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