I had my daughter before I
was even old enough to legally drink. And you know what? I don’t regret. But
no, I wouldn’t recommend young parenthood to anyone; it’s not easy. However, I have
been abundantly blessed because I have a village and through the help of my
village I have been able to bring many of my goals to fruition and without them
these would have been but dreams deferred.
Honestly I never even saw myself being a parent especially
a single parent at that. I don’t harbor any animosity towards my daughter’s
father he is who he is. He was like that when I met him but being the person I
was I thought I could change him. The most valuable lesson I took away from our
relationship is that change must be internal never external. People have to
want to change for themselves. But that’s a TOTALLY different story.
Dating as single parent is different for a number of
reasons. 1) I have to be very selective of who I let into my life. 2) People
make assumptions about people who have a child(ren). 3) Sadly, a lot of dudes
think by dating a single mom they are doing her a favor.
I am not a charity case. When I first realized I was
going to be a single parent I dreaded dated so I cut myself out to the
possibility of even finding a loving partner. I gave up hope. I mean who would
want me? I had “baggage”. But to my surprise I found some guys who were
genuinely interested in me and that was encouraging. But then there were the
benevolent suitors. The guys who felt like by dating me they were doing me a
“favor”. I can always tell the benevolent suitor. The actions ooze fake
sincerity they ask about my daughter but it’s an after thought. They go out
their way to tell me they don’t normally date women with kids. They go out
their way to compliment me on how well I’ve done for myself in spite of my obstacles.
I’m a total woman WITHOUT a man so I don’t need anyone
that feels like they are doing me a favor. I am intelligent, able, and ambition
these qualities are not diminished by the fact that I’m also a single parent if
anything these traits are fortified through this.
No, things didn’t work out between my daughter’s father
and I. But I am not love-starved nor is she needy for a father figure (she has
four uncles, two grandfathers, and two great-grandfathers). No, I’m not
lowering my standards for you and feeling “lucky” to have someone look my way. I
know what I deserve and I’m not settling just because you in your mind I should
feel like I should somehow deserve less.
A single mother doesn’t need your sympathy or charity.
She needs someone who is a true and sincere partner. She doesn’t want to feel
like she being felt sorry for. She wants to feel sincerely and immensely loved
and valued for who she is. A single mother isn’t a martyr she is a smart,
responsible, and intelligent woman who is complete with or without you.
Self-Care Ain’t Chocolate, Wine, and Retail TherapyBy: Ryan D. Daniels Chocolate, a whole bottle of red wine, and a trip to the mall are so often classified as “self-care”. However, they are not the only way to take care of yourself and to treat yourself well. Here are a few more ways we may not consider when it comes to living our best lives.
Fair & Foul Part IFair & Foul Part II FAIR & FOUL PART III De’Andre Hicks should’ve been drafted number one in the professional football league draft. However, due to an injury caused by a traumatic accident that still haunts him he dropped to the last round of draft after missing almost a whole season. He finds his place with the back-to-back national champions the Carolina Cougars but his competition for the starting position is the best albeit most troubled wide receivers in the league, Jay’Von Riddick. All De’Andre wants to do is provide a better life for his mother and to be able to give his girlfriend, Alana, the things that she deserves as she sacrifices to support his dreams. Will De’Andre succeed? Or will he be left to wonder “what if”? Alana Mitchell is smart, ambiguous, and beautiful and she knew she loved De’Andre the first time on the campus of Florida Technical University. Alana is following in the footsteps of her father, a successful corporate attor…
The Mis-Entitlement of Black Menand the Miseducation of Black Women By: Ryan D. Daniels I’m going to preface everything I’m about to say by saying I love black men. If it weren’t for a black man I wouldn’t exist. HOWEVER, I believe in calling BS when I see it. A few years ago one of my Facebook friends, Val, recommended that all of the black women on her friends’ list read a book called “Is Marriage for White People” by Ralph Richard Banks. The title piqued my interest and I copped a cheap used copy off of Amazon. The book arrived during my Thanksgiving break and I had nothing else to do so I started reading the book and from a few pages in I was hooked and shook. I realized that the odds for highly educated upwardly mobile black women who want to marry an equally educated black man are bleak to say the least. The book confirmed some of the hunches I have had for years about dating as an educated black women who have only dealt with black men.And I have blogged about this in the past.