No, Love Doesn’t Hurt (& it doesn’t get jealous either)

No, Love Doesn’t Hurt (& it doesn’t get jealous either)
By: Honey

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV)

First things first I’m single. This is by choice and most certainly not by force. Whenever I meet a man I’m interested in I give him the “Corinthians Test” as I like to call it. I replace the word “love” in the above” bible verse with his name and if I can’t say those things are truth of him them he isn’t the one, point blank period. I recently started doing this after a post I saw on Facebook. But I digress.
            Last week I got a call from a close friend; she was distraught and in tears. To hear her in such a state really broke my heart. Because literally she one of the toughest women I know and I’m glad to cakk her a close friend. She was trying to make things work out with her ex and give things another try. But it wasn’t working because this man/boy was trying to do everything in his power to belittle her and diminish her attributes. Mind you she is a successful, intelligent, and beautiful young woman. She was compromising herself in an effort to make things work but the harder she pulled the harder he pushed her way.


            I told her he wasn't the man for her and that the sooner she let him go the better off she’d be. She told me it was hard because she'd invested so much time in him. I could understand that. We've all been there; trying to make it work with someone because of all the time we’ve already invested never mind the fact you're miserable. If someone loves you, you will never feel neglected, belittled, or anything less than a complete woman. My friend’s ex boyfriend isn’t man enough to let her go but he was childish enough to belittle her. She cares immensely about him so his words cut deep in the way only words from those we really care about can. Whenever they would disagree he would go for the jugular like bringing up the fact he could have any woman he wanted or that she wasn’t that special in the first place.
            I don’t care how upset the person who supposed to love you gets they should never use your sensitive spots against you. They should never seek to hurt you in a disagreement. Because let’s be real no matter how much you and your bae love each other from time to time you will disagree and that’s okay. But in love in true love you must know how to fight fair because true love keeps no records of wrongs.
            This leads me into my second point dating, social media, and jealousy. Many days I wish I were a born a decade earlier so I wouldn’t be caught up in the dating scene in the social media era. Social media has permeated every aspect of our cultural and dictates so many areas of our life if we allow it. It has changed norms towards dating. If a man doesn’t post you as his Woman Crush Wednesday he doesn’t truly love you. I have to let my followers know every aspect of my relationship and that’s “love”. But one of the biggest pet peeves are the misleading and damaging relationship memes. They go a little something like take a picture of your favorite celebrity couple (Jay and Bey, Meek and Nicki, Chris and Kae (which makes no sense to me in the first place) and the list goes on), and for there put some ridiculous advice on it. I included a few as an example of the dumbest I’ve ever seen. These memes excuse bad and detrimental traits in relationships.



           







A reoccurring memes of these themes is if they’re jealousy they really love you. Wrong! Jealousy is something that springs from a place of insecurity not from a place of love. Jealousy is irrational and not attractive. It’s not cute, it’s not pretty, and more importantly it’s not flattering. Yet time and time again I’ve seen memes that say in short that if he or she doesn’t get jealous they don’t care. This is so false and damaging. If your partner doesn’t get jealous they not only love you but they trust you as well. People who are jealous are too immature to love you fully or to trust you fully. If you’re all theirs what do they have to worry about?
            And secondly if someone really loves you they’ll never do anything to make you jealous. If someone loves and values you they’ll make sure you know they only have eyes for you. I used to think being jealous meant I cared (to the point I put hands on him over text messages) but in hindsight I see not only was I insecure but the person I was dealing with wasn’t mature enough to respect my feelings (in short he didn’t love me).
            I don’t want a man that is jealous over me. Any other time we’d think of jealousy as something that is ugly or grotesque. So why would we think it’s cute or sexy in a relationship? Plus jealousy in many cases often is a precursor to something much more sinister, domestic abuse. And abuse is never OKAY. Him going through your phone isn’t cute, checking on you to see where you’re are isn’t cute. But many women misinterpret these actions as being those of love when they aren’t. They are quite simply jealousy and insecurity.

I just want you to remember that love does not hurt. Love doesn’t break you down it builds you up. No, relationships are not always perfect but they shouldn’t be a source of pain either. Love isn’t jealousy and it doesn’t envy. Love is sure of itself and it will never boast, brag, or be angered. A man who truly loves you will never hit you where it hurts (emotionally and damn sure not physically). A man who truly loves you will see your weaknesses and never take advantage of them but instead seek to strengthen them through love.

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