Severing Soul Ties
Severing Soul Ties
Back in the day MTV had this commercial during World AIDS Day. Here’s how the commercial went, a couple were preparing to head into the throes of passion. A man, the woman’s ex lover walks into the bedroom undresses and joins them in bed. In short order, a woman, the man’s ex lover, gets naked and joins them in bed. This patterns repeats itself until over a 100 people are naked and in the bed. Moral of the Story: Everyone you sleep with is sleeping with you and everyone you’ve slept with and vice versa. The same can be said for soul ties.
A soul can be defined as a spiritual/emotional connection you have to someone after being intimate with them, usually engaging in sexual intercourse. To the point that when you want to be rid of them from your mind and your life, even when you are far away from them and out of their presence you still feel as if they are apart of you and apart of you is with them.
Soul ties are powerful and the more you involve yourself sexually with someone the stronger the ties become. Although people hate to admit it sex is more than sex and if you do not respect the power of sex you will find yourself ass, literally and figuratively.
I’ll give you an example of soul tie formation straight from my personal experiences. The first time I met Rob* I was instantly drawn to him. He was everything my carnal being craves for; tall, dark, and handsome with enough charm to sell water to a well. We went out a few times and our mutual attraction eventually led to the bed. The sex was good and we did it again and again and again. The sex was good but each time we fell into bed we were making the soul ties that much stronger. One time he and I were out and about and we ran into one of my close friends. After she walked away she texted me and said you two are in deep. She was right we entangled in soul ties and we both failed to realize it even though the signs were very evident. Other than the sex, shit was messed up between us but we overlooked it because the sex was good and we found comfort in each other. But other than the sex we left each other confused. Confusion is one of the main signs of a bad soul tie. You’re confused about what the other person wants, you’re confused about what you want, and you’re confused about where your partnership with that is going. Confusion inevitably gives way to conflict. Conflict to a certain degree is normal but if you’re beefing with that person every other week or day, it’s a problem and it isn’t conducive to a solid relationship.
For example, Rob and I got into a very public verbal altercation; something that is totally opposed to my private and non-confrontational nature. But our souls were at war. Instead of cutting ties after that, two weeks later we were back at square one, in bed. The stronger soul ties are the harder they are to untangle and sever. Ill-formed soul ties leave you feeling confused as well as dependent on that person. When you form soul ties with someone their moods become your moods and in addition to their baggage, you’re taking on the baggage of every other person they’ve formed soul ties with and vice versa. Scary thought, isn’t it?
At the end of the day, sex happens and there is nothing wrong with it. But we need to be cognizant of who and what we are opening ourselves up to physically, mentally, and emotionally. But what to do when the damage is done? How do you sever the ties? This is something that is never easy. But to find wholeness we need to cut the ties.
First, cut all physical connections including social media. Yes, you need to ghost on their ass, block their number if need be. You can’t sever ties if you’re still connected, that’s counterproductive. Stop following them on social media (and once you stop following them don’t start lurking), stop texting them and if they text you learn how not to text back (if need be, block them), and lastly remove traces of them from your life. I was recently going to through my Google Drive and found a video of Rob hopping’ with his fraternity brothers, I deleted it. To sever ties and move forward you have to physically and symbolic remove that person from your life to the best of your ability. Second, focus your energy elsewhere. It is hard to stop thinking about someone or missing someone that you bonded with even if that wasn’t your official bae, boo, etc. Find something you love or something you need to do and commit yourself to that. Stop wasting your energy on someone that wasn’t worth for you in the first place. Soul ties are deceptive in that they become so engrained in your spirit that you feel empty without the person the ties were formed with. You need to find something positive and worthwhile to replace that emptiness. Find your passion and pursue it wholeheartedly. Third, do not look back. Under no circumstances should you look back. Once you’ve become cleaved with someone it makes it that much easier for them to come back into your life and wreak havoc again. People we have soul ties with are appealing because they are familiar. Things that are familiar are comforting and non-threatening. But just because it is familiar doesn’t make it right. When you’ve severed soul ties, do not visit that person again and start the process all over again. All this will do is send you back down the path of confusion and eventually into conflict and spiritual chaos. Lastly, going forward respect the power of sex. Sex shouldn’t be looked at as something we do just because it feels good. Sex is powerful and should be seen and respected as such. You are opening your temple to someone and when you let them into your temple you need to know who and what they are bringing with them. You wouldn’t let someone with muddy shoes and uncouth ass friends stomp around your house and the same can be said for your body. You can’t share it with someone with a muddied spirit and bad company and not expect for some of their bullshit to rub off on you.
As we prepare to head into a new year I want you to come into a new year free of the bullshit and free of the soul ties that are holding you back. We all deserve something better than confusion, chaos, and conflict. We all deserve completeness, contentment, and calmness. The first step is to let go of the soul ties that stir up the first 3 Cs in our lives.