I have a horrible habit of losing all my good sense when I’m feeling a dude. I compromise my standards and go out my way to appease him. This is part of the reason why I removed myself from the dating scene. I needed to reevaluate how I handle becoming emotionally involved with someone.
I’ve realized this during my reflection period, I didn’t realize I was the prize and I took for granted what I naturally bring to the table. I have this habit of bending over backwards to please the men I want to be with to prove myself “worthy” of them. I’d cook, come when called, go watch them coach their team, listen to their horrible beats and tell them they were good, and the list goes on and on. Shit, some times I felt like I was putting on my track cleats and chasing. I realized my actions were rooted in deep insecurity, a fear of loneliness, and lack of self-love. My insecurities were rooted in my self-perceived inadequacies. I didn’t think I was pretty enough, exciting enough, smart enough, attractive enough. When we chase and bend over backwards and things don’t work out you end up hurt, confused, worse for the wear, and with a feeling of being used up. No one should feel like this; you, me, or anyone else deserves to feel like this.
I had a good friend and confidant break it down to me like this last year when I was going through it with my then pursuit. She told me I was the prize and I shouldn’t be chasing anyone. At the time, I heard it but I didn’t internalize it. But during my reflection period I realized she was right. I had never sat back and realize what I brought to the table nor did I appreciate what I brought to the table I always thought the man brought more than I did. That’s why I always found myself trying to work to earn him when in reality he should’ve been working to earn me.
Don’t take this is as me saying you shouldn’t treat a man well but there are limits. You shouldn’t obligate yourself to girlfriend and wife duties for a man who isn’t your boyfriend or your husband. Appreciate him but appreciate yourself more. A man who isn’t willing to earn you doesn’t deserve you. A man earns you through his consistency, his loyalty, his honesty, and his willingness to understand you. If someone really wants to be a part of your life you will not have to compromise yourself or have to audition for their attention; it will just be. If someone wants to really be with you their actions and words will be congruent, their actions and words will be equal.
You are the prize, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of someone who is understanding of who you are as a person, you are worthy of someone who is consistent, and most important you are worthy of someone who is worthy of you. You should not settle, you should not chase, and you should not compromise your standards. A man who wants you will pursue you and win you, as a prize should be won. A prize doesn’t give itself away freely; it is earned. You do not feed your pearls to a pig.
When you give of your energy and time freely to someone who doesn’t deserve it, let alone someone who didn’t earn it, it can only end one way, badly. You do not deserve to be used or to feel taken advantage of. Be discerning of whom you allow into your heart and into your head. Do his words and actions match up? Are you working harder than he is to make things happen are work? Are you always available but he isn’t? Are you compromising or neglecting your core standards and values to appease him?
A person who recognizes your value will never make you diminish yourself to edify them. A person who recognizes that you are the prize will not play games with you; they’ll be transparent, they’ll be dependable and accountable. You are the prize, the 1st Place. You aren’t a door prize, you aren’t a consolation prize, you aren’t a bronze medal. Under this you are the gold medal, the blue ribbon, you the Grand Prize. You deserve someone who sees that you are the prize and treats you as such. You’ll know it not because he says it but because of what he does. He will never dim your goal. You are the prize that should only be rewarded to someone who has truly worked to earn you.
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