Are You Getting A Return on Your Investment?
Are You
Getting A Return on Your Investment?
By: Honey
B. Baker
Last week it was bae’s birthday. I was packing a bag to head out of town to surprise
him. However, when I ventured onto Snapchat to see who was singing what song
and who thougt their weave was extra poppington that day I was the one in for a
surprise. He was booed up with another woman. Not wanting to jump the gun I
asked who she was and unequivocally he said it was his “boo” like duh you mean
I never mentioned my girlfriend. His who? This was a guy I talked to everyday
for the past five or six months not nann word was mentioned about a girlfriend
as a matter of fact he often spoke of our
future together, who I went out with regularly, talked to every night, etc.
Was I pissed? Yes. Was I hurt? No.
I
wasn’t pissed because he’d lie to me and lead me on basically since the
beginning of the year. I was pissed because I’d purchased some raunchy lingerie
and it was non-refundable (Damn you, Yandy.com). Non-refundable, hmmm that’s a
good word for this piece. I’ll get to that in a minute.
Now
let’s compare this to another situation. One time I met this guy. We’d flirted
on and off for a year and finally we did lunch. Over lunch he hit every point I
look for in a man, both deep and superficial. Pulled up in a nice car? Check.
Tall and chocolate? Double check. Reached in for a hug and smelled so good?
Yassssss Gawd! Intelligent? Yup! Good conversationalist? I was hanging onto
EVERY word. His smile? Megawatt! He was charismatic, caring, and charming.
Needless to say within a few weeks I was smitten. To stick to the topic, I was
INVESTED. I was emotionally invested.
Then
a few weeks later we became intimate and the sex was A1. So after this I was
invested on another level. I was physically invested. Even though no
relationship had come to fruition we became intimate on an increasingly
frequent basis. This caused me to become invested on another level. I was
spiritually invested because of the soul ties that formed as a result of regular
intimacy. I mean, you can’t lay in the bed with someone after they bought you
to peak of ecstasy and you did likewise to them, listening to their heartbeat,
flesh-to-flesh, and not grow attached to them on a deeper level.
Eventually
the passion frizzled out and the connection became clouded by mismatched
feelings and mismatched efforts. I became angry, jaded, and embittered. I’m
still hurting and sometimes I still get angry. Years later... Why? Because I
was so invested in this man and I didn’t get a return on my investment.
So
that brings me to my question. In your love life, are you getting a return on
your investment? I highlighted those two pages out of my love life for the
following reason to showcase my reaction and my mindset. Yes, when dude played
me I was upset but I quickly moved on. I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I’m not
jaded. Why? Because I had not invested myself into our potentialities and the
possibilities of what could be. Sure,
it was cool having someone to make me feel special and thought of daily. It was
cool having someone who was consistent with their time and effort and made the
effort to spend time with me. But in everything with him I moved with caution.
I didn’t move quickly. I didn’t give myself to him in anyway quickly be it
physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I was going to make him EARN it.
Nothing in life worth having is just given it is EARNED. You are special and
you need to be earned. You are not cheap and you dang sure ain’t free, so stop
treating yourself as such.
The second
individual I discussed had not and to be honest, did not attempt to earn me. I
was just so smitten with him that I did not keep my level of investment in
check. It was like spending $4,000 on lottery tickets. Was it an investment?
Absolutely. But it wasn’t a wise investment. I gave of myself freely in so many
ways. The problem is he had not earned it. Ask yourself this, when have you
ever appreciated something that you didn’t have to work for and earn. The
sweetest things in our life are often the things that we fought the hardest to
earn.
What I am saying
is, be hard to get. Just because a guy is nice to you, is consistent, is so
many great things that does not mean he has earned you. He is just being nice,
nothing more nothing less. Do not allow yourself to be easily invested. Protect
your heart because feelings are NON-REFUNDABLE. You can’t take back the time,
energy, and emotions you’ve invested into someone. I mean yeah eventually you
won’t feeling as strongly as you did about them but the feelings will still be
there in some form.
I could easily
walk away from the first individual because I moved with caution and was
careful in how I invested in him. Once he showed he wasn’t worthy of my time I
deleted his number and moved right along because I wasn’t invested. I didn’t
feel like I was owed anything because of there had been no investment on my
part beyond my comfort level. I gave him exactly what he’d earned and at that
point anything beyond my comfort level. We had not been intimate because he
hadn’t earned it but life had a way to show me before I made that step that he
wasn’t ready for that; he hadn’t earned it. The situation was what it was. Look
at your feelings like they are currency. Would you just invest your life
savings into something that is unsure? Anytime you are dealing with the actions
and motives of others it is an unsure thing. Be cautious. I am not saying be
cold or callous. I am saying take your time make people earn your investment.
Your feelings, your time, and your energy are like currency. Do you just give
your money away? No you make businesses EARN it through the quality of service they
render to you.
Your feelings,
your time, and your energy are VALUEABLE and everyone does not deserve these
things from you. If you allow yourself to become invested in every person who
treats you nicely you will stay twisting in the wind and eventually will begin
to harbor feelings of bitterness, have a jaded spirit, and be consumed by a
latent anger.
So ask yourself,
are you getting a return on your investment?
Shoutout to the Good Bruhz, @StevieQue for this inspiration from his tweet thread.
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