Are You Getting A Return on Your Investment?
By: Honey B. Baker
Last week it was bae’s birthday. I was packing a bag to head out of town to surprise him. However, when I ventured onto Snapchat to see who was singing what song and who thougt their weave was extra poppington that day I was the one in for a surprise. He was booed up with another woman. Not wanting to jump the gun I asked who she was and unequivocally he said it was his “boo” like duh you mean I never mentioned my girlfriend. His who? This was a guy I talked to everyday for the past five or six months not nann word was mentioned about a girlfriend as a matter of fact he often spoke of our future together, who I went out with regularly, talked to every night, etc. Was I pissed? Yes. Was I hurt? No.
I wasn’t pissed because he’d lie to me and lead me on basically since the beginning of the year. I was pissed because I’d purchased some raunchy lingerie and it was non-refundable (Damn you, Yandy.com). Non-refundable, hmmm that’s a good word for this piece. I’ll get to that in a minute.
Now let’s compare this to another situation. One time I met this guy. We’d flirted on and off for a year and finally we did lunch. Over lunch he hit every point I look for in a man, both deep and superficial. Pulled up in a nice car? Check. Tall and chocolate? Double check. Reached in for a hug and smelled so good? Yassssss Gawd! Intelligent? Yup! Good conversationalist? I was hanging onto EVERY word. His smile? Megawatt! He was charismatic, caring, and charming. Needless to say within a few weeks I was smitten. To stick to the topic, I was INVESTED. I was emotionally invested.
Then a few weeks later we became intimate and the sex was A1. So after this I was invested on another level. I was physically invested. Even though no relationship had come to fruition we became intimate on an increasingly frequent basis. This caused me to become invested on another level. I was spiritually invested because of the soul ties that formed as a result of regular intimacy. I mean, you can’t lay in the bed with someone after they bought you to peak of ecstasy and you did likewise to them, listening to their heartbeat, flesh-to-flesh, and not grow attached to them on a deeper level.
Eventually the passion frizzled out and the connection became clouded by mismatched feelings and mismatched efforts. I became angry, jaded, and embittered. I’m still hurting and sometimes I still get angry. Years later... Why? Because I was so invested in this man and I didn’t get a return on my investment.
So that brings me to my question. In your love life, are you getting a return on your investment? I highlighted those two pages out of my love life for the following reason to showcase my reaction and my mindset. Yes, when dude played me I was upset but I quickly moved on. I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I’m not jaded. Why? Because I had not invested myself into our potentialities and the possibilities of what could be. Sure, it was cool having someone to make me feel special and thought of daily. It was cool having someone who was consistent with their time and effort and made the effort to spend time with me. But in everything with him I moved with caution. I didn’t move quickly. I didn’t give myself to him in anyway quickly be it physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I was going to make him EARN it. Nothing in life worth having is just given it is EARNED. You are special and you need to be earned. You are not cheap and you dang sure ain’t free, so stop treating yourself as such.
The second individual I discussed had not and to be honest, did not attempt to earn me. I was just so smitten with him that I did not keep my level of investment in check. It was like spending $4,000 on lottery tickets. Was it an investment? Absolutely. But it wasn’t a wise investment. I gave of myself freely in so many ways. The problem is he had not earned it. Ask yourself this, when have you ever appreciated something that you didn’t have to work for and earn. The sweetest things in our life are often the things that we fought the hardest to earn.
What I am saying is, be hard to get. Just because a guy is nice to you, is consistent, is so many great things that does not mean he has earned you. He is just being nice, nothing more nothing less. Do not allow yourself to be easily invested. Protect your heart because feelings are NON-REFUNDABLE. You can’t take back the time, energy, and emotions you’ve invested into someone. I mean yeah eventually you won’t feeling as strongly as you did about them but the feelings will still be there in some form.
I could easily walk away from the first individual because I moved with caution and was careful in how I invested in him. Once he showed he wasn’t worthy of my time I deleted his number and moved right along because I wasn’t invested. I didn’t feel like I was owed anything because of there had been no investment on my part beyond my comfort level. I gave him exactly what he’d earned and at that point anything beyond my comfort level. We had not been intimate because he hadn’t earned it but life had a way to show me before I made that step that he wasn’t ready for that; he hadn’t earned it. The situation was what it was. Look at your feelings like they are currency. Would you just invest your life savings into something that is unsure? Anytime you are dealing with the actions and motives of others it is an unsure thing. Be cautious. I am not saying be cold or callous. I am saying take your time make people earn your investment. Your feelings, your time, and your energy are like currency. Do you just give your money away? No you make businesses EARN it through the quality of service they render to you.
Your feelings, your time, and your energy are VALUEABLE and everyone does not deserve these things from you. If you allow yourself to become invested in every person who treats you nicely you will stay twisting in the wind and eventually will begin to harbor feelings of bitterness, have a jaded spirit, and be consumed by a latent anger.
So ask yourself, are you getting a return on your investment?
Shoutout to the Good Bruhz, @StevieQue for this inspiration from his tweet thread.
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