A man wants a woman who
has her own, a woman who can cook, a woman who keeps herself up, a woman who is
this, a woman who is that. At one point in time I saw myself at least in a
happy and stable relationship by the time I was 25. Every time I became halfway
serious with a guy I started auditioning for the wife role—cooking and doing
whatever in between to make him realize I was the “one”. However, as my 26th
birthday draws nigh I realized something the man who is meant for me isn’t
going to need for me to audition.
For a while, I was envious of people who are in my age group
that have seemed to have found the one to spend their life with. I wanted that
or should I say I felt like I needed that. I wanted to find Mr. Right or for
Mr. Right to find me and sweep me clean off of my feet. But like many other
things in my life it has not gone exactly to plan. Hell, I threw the “plan” out
of a while ago.
Finally a while ago I realized that auditioning wasn’t doing
anything but making me appear desperate and desperation invites in people who
wish to take advantage of you.
I can’t tell you how sick I am at this point of seeing memes
that supposedly give a woman a blueprint of what it takes to make a man love
her and want to take her as his wife. I’m also sick of SINGLE male relationship
“gurus” telling women what they need to do to attract, keep, and make a man put
a ring on it.
Look, I never proclaim to be a relationship expert or a
relationship guru. However, I do know this the only thing that attracts and
keeps a man is a man who is ready to be kept. I was auditioning for men who were
not ready to be kept and if they were, they didn’t want to keep me.
I’ll be honest when I went off to college I just knew I’d
find the man who I was destined to spend my life. However, that didn’t happen.
Yeah, I met some great guys as I sojourned through my undergraduate career but
they were just as young and immature as me. People reassured me as I found my
way in my professional career I would meet the man who I was destined to spend
my life with and as I write this that has not occurred. But that didn’t stop me
from auditioning for a role.
I’ve said all of that to say this. At this point in the
game, I’m done auditioning and trying to prove myself worthy of a title or a
ring. The man who is worthy enough to be my man or my husband will not ever
allow me to feel like I have to audition or prove myself. I stopped auditioning
because I realized I do not have anything to prove. When I didn’t know my worth
for myself I was always trying to overcompensate and prove my worth thus
auditioning. I was trying to cover for what I perceived as my inadequacies. I
stopped auditioning when I realized with my flaws and all I was still more than
enough for the person who it meant for me.
So if you ever find your bending over backwards,
auditioning, and trying to prove yourself worthy just stop. The man of your
dreams isn’t holding a casting call, know that.
Fair & Foul Part IFair & Foul Part II FAIR & FOUL PART III De’Andre Hicks should’ve been drafted number one in the professional football league draft. However, due to an injury caused by a traumatic accident that still haunts him he dropped to the last round of draft after missing almost a whole season. He finds his place with the back-to-back national champions the Carolina Cougars but his competition for the starting position is the best albeit most troubled wide receivers in the league, Jay’Von Riddick. All De’Andre wants to do is provide a better life for his mother and to be able to give his girlfriend, Alana, the things that she deserves as she sacrifices to support his dreams. Will De’Andre succeed? Or will he be left to wonder “what if”? Alana Mitchell is smart, ambiguous, and beautiful and she knew she loved De’Andre the first time on the campus of Florida Technical University. Alana is following in the footsteps of her father, a successful corporate attor…
Self-Care Ain’t Chocolate, Wine, and Retail TherapyBy: Ryan D. Daniels Chocolate, a whole bottle of red wine, and a trip to the mall are so often classified as “self-care”. However, they are not the only way to take care of yourself and to treat yourself well. Here are a few more ways we may not consider when it comes to living our best lives.
The Mis-Entitlement of Black Menand the Miseducation of Black Women By: Ryan D. Daniels I’m going to preface everything I’m about to say by saying I love black men. If it weren’t for a black man I wouldn’t exist. HOWEVER, I believe in calling BS when I see it. A few years ago one of my Facebook friends, Val, recommended that all of the black women on her friends’ list read a book called “Is Marriage for White People” by Ralph Richard Banks. The title piqued my interest and I copped a cheap used copy off of Amazon. The book arrived during my Thanksgiving break and I had nothing else to do so I started reading the book and from a few pages in I was hooked and shook. I realized that the odds for highly educated upwardly mobile black women who want to marry an equally educated black man are bleak to say the least. The book confirmed some of the hunches I have had for years about dating as an educated black women who have only dealt with black men.And I have blogged about this in the past.