Why I Stopped Auditioning

Why I Stopped Auditioning
By: Ryan D. Daniels

Originally posted on September 24, 2016

A man wants a woman who has her own, a woman who can cook, a woman who keeps herself up, a woman who is this, a woman who is that. At one point in time I saw myself at least in a happy and stable relationship by the time I was 25. Every time I became halfway serious with a guy I started auditioning for the wife role—cooking and doing whatever in between to make him realize I was the “one”. However, as my 26th birthday draws nigh I realized something the man who is meant for me isn’t going to need for me to audition.

         For a while, I was envious of people who are in my age group that have seemed to have found the one to spend their life with. I wanted that or should I say I felt like I needed that. I wanted to find Mr. Right or for Mr. Right to find me and sweep me clean off of my feet. But like many other things in my life it has not gone exactly to plan. Hell, I threw the “plan” out of a while ago.

         Finally a while ago I realized that auditioning wasn’t doing anything but making me appear desperate and desperation invites in people who wish to take advantage of you.

         I can’t tell you how sick I am at this point of seeing memes that supposedly give a woman a blueprint of what it takes to make a man love her and want to take her as his wife. I’m also sick of SINGLE male relationship “gurus” telling women what they need to do to attract, keep, and make a man put a ring on it.

         Look, I never proclaim to be a relationship expert or a relationship guru. However, I do know this the only thing that attracts and keeps a man is a man who is ready to be kept. I was auditioning for men who were not ready to be kept and if they were, they didn’t want to keep me.

         I’ll be honest when I went off to college I just knew I’d find the man who I was destined to spend my life. However, that didn’t happen. Yeah, I met some great guys as I sojourned through my undergraduate career but they were just as young and immature as me. People reassured me as I found my way in my professional career I would meet the man who I was destined to spend my life with and as I write this that has not occurred. But that didn’t stop me from auditioning for a role.

         I’ve said all of that to say this. At this point in the game, I’m done auditioning and trying to prove myself worthy of a title or a ring. The man who is worthy enough to be my man or my husband will not ever allow me to feel like I have to audition or prove myself. I stopped auditioning because I realized I do not have anything to prove. When I didn’t know my worth for myself I was always trying to overcompensate and prove my worth thus auditioning. I was trying to cover for what I perceived as my inadequacies. I stopped auditioning when I realized with my flaws and all I was still more than enough for the person who it meant for me.

         So if you ever find your bending over backwards, auditioning, and trying to prove yourself worthy just stop. The man of your dreams isn’t holding a casting call, know that.



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