A man wants a woman who
has her own, a woman who can cook, a woman who keeps herself up, a woman who is
this, a woman who is that. At one point in time I saw myself at least in a
happy and stable relationship by the time I was 25. Every time I became halfway
serious with a guy I started auditioning for the wife role—cooking and doing
whatever in between to make him realize I was the “one”. However, as my 26th
birthday draws nigh I realized something the man who is meant for me isn’t
going to need for me to audition.
For a while, I was envious of people who are in my age group
that have seemed to have found the one to spend their life with. I wanted that
or should I say I felt like I needed that. I wanted to find Mr. Right or for
Mr. Right to find me and sweep me clean off of my feet. But like many other
things in my life it has not gone exactly to plan. Hell, I threw the “plan” out
of a while ago.
Finally a while ago I realized that auditioning wasn’t doing
anything but making me appear desperate and desperation invites in people who
wish to take advantage of you.
I can’t tell you how sick I am at this point of seeing memes
that supposedly give a woman a blueprint of what it takes to make a man love
her and want to take her as his wife. I’m also sick of SINGLE male relationship
“gurus” telling women what they need to do to attract, keep, and make a man put
a ring on it.
Look, I never proclaim to be a relationship expert or a
relationship guru. However, I do know this the only thing that attracts and
keeps a man is a man who is ready to be kept. I was auditioning for men who were
not ready to be kept and if they were, they didn’t want to keep me.
I’ll be honest when I went off to college I just knew I’d
find the man who I was destined to spend my life. However, that didn’t happen.
Yeah, I met some great guys as I sojourned through my undergraduate career but
they were just as young and immature as me. People reassured me as I found my
way in my professional career I would meet the man who I was destined to spend
my life with and as I write this that has not occurred. But that didn’t stop me
from auditioning for a role.
I’ve said all of that to say this. At this point in the
game, I’m done auditioning and trying to prove myself worthy of a title or a
ring. The man who is worthy enough to be my man or my husband will not ever
allow me to feel like I have to audition or prove myself. I stopped auditioning
because I realized I do not have anything to prove. When I didn’t know my worth
for myself I was always trying to overcompensate and prove my worth thus
auditioning. I was trying to cover for what I perceived as my inadequacies. I
stopped auditioning when I realized with my flaws and all I was still more than
enough for the person who it meant for me.
So if you ever find your bending over backwards,
auditioning, and trying to prove yourself worthy just stop. The man of your
dreams isn’t holding a casting call, know that.
Foreword to "To Live, Learn, and Die in Halifax Co." : I am a lifestyle writer not a journalist. I normally write about funny stuff: love, life, and a laughter. I like making people laugh not think; I leave that to serious people. When I posted this essay it wasn't to attack anyone and it wasn't to be attacked or chided in return. Normally my posts get about 100 views in a couple of weeks but within two hours of me posting this piece it had over 1000 views. Let me be clear, I am not an expert on schools, I am not an expert on taxation, I am not an expert on the finances of Halifax County. However, anyone with two eyes can look around and see that Halifax County is SUFFERING. I wrote this piece because I have seen the effects that our piss poor schools have had on my generation and all subsequent generations. I spoke about my grandmother's work ethic and her desire to see her children do better not to focus on her parenting. It was to focus on the fact that the
Dreaming With A Broken Heart Part II Three months later.... My life has been pure hell without Kena. She wouldn't return my calls. I even went as far as to go to her parents' house that was damn sure the wrong move I barely escape there without getting my ass whooped by her father who was a former Army drill sergeant. I went to her apartment. She wouldn't answer the door. I went to her job she had security to promptly escort me out. I was truly a man apart. I was sitting at my desk when I got a call from Corey. "Aye man what's up" "Nothing much just sitting in the office.” "Word, well me, Chuck and Kyle are going out Shooters to watch the game tonight. You tryna roll?” Corey had been trying to get me to go out for the past month and I wasn't feeling it. "I think I'm going to chill at the crib and watch it." "Fool you coming out tonight. I'm sick of your ass sitting round the house acting like it's the end
Voodoo "Aja! Aja! What in hell are you doing?" I smacked my lips as I struggled to pull the back of my shoe onto my heel. "Natalia, I'm coming as quick as I can, I'm trying to get these damn shoes on!" I stumbled out of my bedroom and into the hallway. Natalia was standing in my living room with her hands impatiently on her hips. She already knew I was procrastinating because I didn't want to get into this fuckery she was trying to involve me in. I put on my coat and prepared to head into the bitter cold January night. As we got into Natalia's car and headed towards the movie theatre. "Nat is he cute or what?" Natalia defensively shrugged her shoulders. "Girl I don't know. Dante just told me to invite one of my girls because his homeboy is new in town and he wanted him to get out and mingle." I rolled my eyes. If old boy looked anything like Dante it was no dice. Don't get me wrong Dante was