A man wants a woman who
has her own, a woman who can cook, a woman who keeps herself up, a woman who is
this, a woman who is that. At one point in time I saw myself at least in a
happy and stable relationship by the time I was 25. Every time I became halfway
serious with a guy I started auditioning for the wife role—cooking and doing
whatever in between to make him realize I was the “one”. However, as my 26th
birthday draws nigh I realized something the man who is meant for me isn’t
going to need for me to audition.
For a while, I was envious of people who are in my age group
that have seemed to have found the one to spend their life with. I wanted that
or should I say I felt like I needed that. I wanted to find Mr. Right or for
Mr. Right to find me and sweep me clean off of my feet. But like many other
things in my life it has not gone exactly to plan. Hell, I threw the “plan” out
of a while ago.
Finally a while ago I realized that auditioning wasn’t doing
anything but making me appear desperate and desperation invites in people who
wish to take advantage of you.
I can’t tell you how sick I am at this point of seeing memes
that supposedly give a woman a blueprint of what it takes to make a man love
her and want to take her as his wife. I’m also sick of SINGLE male relationship
“gurus” telling women what they need to do to attract, keep, and make a man put
a ring on it.
Look, I never proclaim to be a relationship expert or a
relationship guru. However, I do know this the only thing that attracts and
keeps a man is a man who is ready to be kept. I was auditioning for men who were
not ready to be kept and if they were, they didn’t want to keep me.
I’ll be honest when I went off to college I just knew I’d
find the man who I was destined to spend my life. However, that didn’t happen.
Yeah, I met some great guys as I sojourned through my undergraduate career but
they were just as young and immature as me. People reassured me as I found my
way in my professional career I would meet the man who I was destined to spend
my life with and as I write this that has not occurred. But that didn’t stop me
from auditioning for a role.
I’ve said all of that to say this. At this point in the
game, I’m done auditioning and trying to prove myself worthy of a title or a
ring. The man who is worthy enough to be my man or my husband will not ever
allow me to feel like I have to audition or prove myself. I stopped auditioning
because I realized I do not have anything to prove. When I didn’t know my worth
for myself I was always trying to overcompensate and prove my worth thus
auditioning. I was trying to cover for what I perceived as my inadequacies. I
stopped auditioning when I realized with my flaws and all I was still more than
enough for the person who it meant for me.
So if you ever find your bending over backwards,
auditioning, and trying to prove yourself worthy just stop. The man of your
dreams isn’t holding a casting call, know that.
Don’t Be Me: The 8 Dating Mistakes I MadeBy: Ryan D. Daniels My grandma is an extremely wise woman and one of her favorite adages that she reminds me of when I’m beating myself up is, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Meaning we can always look back and see exactly where we messed up at. In all honesty, I have not had the greatest luck in love. Yes, some of the blame belongs with the men. But a lot of it belongs with me. I decided to take two years off from dating so I could take stock of where I continued to make mistakes in my dating and love life. I seek to write to help people avoid the mistakes I’ve made and here we go. My 8 Mistakes1) Involving with myself with unemotionally unavailable, uninterested men, or men who only wanted to play games. This was a big one. For some reason, I constantly chose me who made it clear they weren’t with it. My ego thought I could win them over or that I could change their mind. Do not just listen to what a man says you also need to watch what he does and if th…
Self-Care Ain’t Chocolate, Wine, and Retail TherapyBy: Ryan D. Daniels Chocolate, a whole bottle of red wine, and a trip to the mall are so often classified as “self-care”. However, they are not the only way to take care of yourself and to treat yourself well. Here are a few more ways we may not consider when it comes to living our best lives.
The One (Sure) Sign He Is Into You By: Ryan D. Daniels I started to write a list of signs that a man is into you but I decided to keep it short and sweet. I decided to avoid rehashing the numerous “How To Know a Guy Is Into You” List. I was able to boil it down to one sure sign a man is into you. Here’s the scene: a man and a woman are sitting on a couch watching some random movie on Netflix. They’ve been on a few dates, she’s really feeling him and he’s really feeling her. They text and talk on a daily basis; she’s a bit nervous but she finally parts her lips and ask him, “What are we?”