Last night as I was
social media stalking I came across a video with the headline, “Girlfriend
confronts boyfriend about cheating.” Hmmm, I saw that the video was the six
minutes and at first my short attention span said, “Nah” but then again I was
Kourtney and Leonard’s
love story started out like most people’s love story does: boy meets girl.
However, like many love stories theirs’ soon fell apart. What struck me so much
about their conversation were the similarities between that a conversation I
had with an old flame last year, someone who I had sadly loved deeper than he
I was home for fall
break from my short-lived sojourn to law school when we ran into each other at
a pet store. We spoke and I left. However, a few minutes later he called and
asked did I have a few minutes to talk.
Me and Jay's story started out much the same: boy meets girl. We became acquainted through mutual friends and at first I wasn't attracted to him. But his wit, charm, and unique personality drew me eventually. I fell and I fell hard with Jay falling right behind me but as things tend to do they fell apart.
We met in a parking lot
and he joined me in my vehicle. “Jay*, what do you want to talk about?” “We
left things bad, Honey.” “Yeah, we did.” I thought about the last conversation we had before I'd moved and it wasn't pretty. Accusations flew over some "he said, she said" mumbo jumbo. An awkward silence fell between us
that I cut with the questions that had been burning me up for quite some time.
“Why wasn’t I enough?” He gave me an emotionless look, “What do you mean?”
“Jay, I wasn’t never enough for you. You made that clear. I mean, what was
wrong with me?” I said I wouldn't cry but yet there I was scanning my car's interior for a box of Kleenex, a Zaxby's napkin--something to dab the tears away. “Nothing is wrong with you. You're an amazing women. You're attractive, you're intelligent, and you have a lot going for you.” Cue: Not My Kind of Girl by New Edition right about now.
“Jay, don’t give me that shit. If
there is nothing wrong with me we would be together.” “There is nothing wrong
with you. I just couldn’t give you want you wanted.” “And what did you think
that was?” “A lot. At the end of the day, Honey I just want us to be friends. I
want to be a part of your greatness and witness the great things you’re about
Leonard and Jay shared a
very similar deposition; detached, unresponsive, and a bit of feigned care but not
a trace of remorse--just a whole lot of lip service and empty talk. That’s what struck me the deepest was that shared lack of
remorse. Jay and Leonard are what I like to call emotional anarchists. They are
the types that will cause emotional chaos in your life and then look at you
with a look of befuddlement without a second of remorse when you react emotionally to their actions.
What I learned was being
“friends” meant being a friend when it was convenient and advantageous to him.
Witnessing my greatness meant checking in on occasion to see if I was still on
the market and if he could “slide through”
I’m sure with Kourtney
as with me when I sat down with Jay she was seeking some form of closure, some
answers to her why’s and what’s. But people who are emotional anarchists cannot
provide those answers because simply they do not have them. People who are
emotional anarchists want to see you squirm because they cannot empathize with
you. They want you to come to them begging for answers and “closure”. Emotional
anarchists will never give you closure and trying to get closure from them is
akin to expecting someone who stabbed you to patch the wound. Allowing them to
stay in your life will only lead you further down a path of hurt and confusion.
I know some people
wonder why Kourtney stayed. I can’t speak for Kourtney but if I had to say I’d
say this. Feelings are not like light switches you cannot simply turn them on
or off no matter how fucked up someone treats you. However, the light
eventually will start to dim on its on.
I respect her for
waiting to sit down and hash it out like an adult but some people are incapable
of rising to that same level of emotional transparency. At the end of the day,
I deeply felt for Kourtney because I’ve been there. No, Jay wasn’t a serial
cheater but his indecisiveness about us caused me deep emotional scars because
it left me confused with a depleted sense of self-worth.
As I watched the video I
just wanted to hug her and let her know that she wasn’t stupid, she wasn’t weak
she was just someone who cared more than she should have about someone who didn’t
care at all.
From my understanding, Kourtney has moved on and is in a healthy relationships and that's what's up!!!
Closed Until Further Notice By: Honey B. Baker The last two years in my dating life
have been quite simply a disaster. I have been on a couple dates that made me
wonder when a camera crew was going to come around the corner. I have met dudes
who were full of potential and others who left much to be desired. Currently,
I am jaded, embittered, and tired. For the time being I want to be left alone.
My heart and my mind are closed until further notice. Over the past two years,
I have endured a series of stinging blows that have wounded me mentally,
spiritually, and emotionally. I need time to heal.
The Mis-Entitlement of Black Menand the Miseducation of Black Women By: Ryan D. Daniels I’m going to preface everything I’m about to say by saying I love black men. If it weren’t for a black man I wouldn’t exist. HOWEVER, I believe in calling BS when I see it. A few years ago one of my Facebook friends, Val, recommended that all of the black women on her friends’ list read a book called “Is Marriage for White People” by Ralph Richard Banks. The title piqued my interest and I copped a cheap used copy off of Amazon. The book arrived during my Thanksgiving break and I had nothing else to do so I started reading the book and from a few pages in I was hooked and shook. I realized that the odds for highly educated upwardly mobile black women who want to marry an equally educated black man are bleak to say the least. The book confirmed some of the hunches I have had for years about dating as an educated black women who have only dealt with black men.And I have blogged about this in the past.
Fair & Foul Part IFair & Foul Part II FAIR & FOUL PART III De’Andre Hicks should’ve been drafted number one in the professional football league draft. However, due to an injury caused by a traumatic accident that still haunts him he dropped to the last round of draft after missing almost a whole season. He finds his place with the back-to-back national champions the Carolina Cougars but his competition for the starting position is the best albeit most troubled wide receivers in the league, Jay’Von Riddick. All De’Andre wants to do is provide a better life for his mother and to be able to give his girlfriend, Alana, the things that she deserves as she sacrifices to support his dreams. Will De’Andre succeed? Or will he be left to wonder “what if”? Alana Mitchell is smart, ambiguous, and beautiful and she knew she loved De’Andre the first time on the campus of Florida Technical University. Alana is following in the footsteps of her father, a successful corporate attor…