Quarter Life Crisis Lessons
Quarter
Life Crisis Lessons
By: Ryan
D. Daniels
Normally I relish the
benefit of being able to sleep in on the weekends. However, I was up at 4:15AM
this morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I filled out a few job
applications and by then I realized the sun was up. I ran a mile and while I
was out in the early morning air this piece hit my spirit.
I’ll be the first to
admit I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be at 26. It seems like just
yesterday I graduated high school. Most days it feels like life is passing me
by and my friends are passing me by right along with it. They are racking up
achievements: job promotions, advanced degrees, marriages, home purchases,
swanky vacations, and the list goes on. Yet here I am, merely existing from day
to day.
Since 2013, May has become an especially trying month for me because I
was supposed to have graduated from
college in May of 2013. However, life had other plans and a few more detours
for me. But for whatever reason this May has been extremely depressing for me
as I look as the achievements of others: law degrees, doctorate degrees,
masters degrees, proposals, weddings, baby showers, and the list goes on and
on. Let me be clear, I am not jealous. I love seeing others achieve their
dreams but oftentimes their successes only remind me of my failures. I realized
a while ago I am experiencing a Quarter Life Crisis
But something has moved
over my heart today and I feel the need to share it. Because I don’t feel like
I’m the only person going through this. I want to share the five most important
things that you need to know to survive a quarter life crisis.
1.
Let go of the word
“Supposed”:
“I was supposed to get a job making
$45,000 right out of college.” “I was supposed to have met the man/woman of my
dream by 24.” “I was supposed to have saved $5,000 in the bank last year.” Any of that sound familiar? Yes. If so, I need
for you to let the word supposed go.
Remove it from your personal dictionary today. There are only two things
guaranteed in life, taxes and death. However, beyond that nothing is supposed
to happen. By saying something is supposed to happen we are putting false
expectations unto ourselves. Things that are meant to be will unfold in their
own time. After my life went off of the proverbial rails I allowed the word
“supposed” to make me so bitter. I was supposed to graduate in 2013. I was
supposed to get an awesome job. I was supposed to get married to that man.
Bitterness about my predicament shrouded me and caused me to engage in
self-destructive behaviors.
2.
Let go of people: Some people are meant
to be in our life for a season. When you sense their season is up in your life do not
be afraid to let them go. It is hard letting people go because you remember all
of the good times, all the fun times, and what that person meant to you.
However, with some people the good times don’t last forever. In the past, I
have done myself such a disservice when it came to my inability to let people
go. I felt like I was failing myself or at times failing them. Don't hold on to unfulfilling unhealthy relationships (that means boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, associates, friends with benefits, whatever...).
3.
Failure isn’t final: I have failed more times
than I’d like to remember. However, my biggest blow came last year when I
realized that my dream of attending law school had become a dream deferred or
possibly canceled. After finishing my 1L year I was broken on mental,
spiritual, and physical levels. I’ve dropped out of college. I’ve been damn
near homeless sleeping on friends’ couches. But somehow I’m still here. I went
back to college and got my degree. As for law school, that is a story whose
final chapter is yet to be written. But I’ve said that to say this. Failure is
inevitable but it is not fatal or final. Sulk for a bit, then dust yourself,
and get back to it. Take a different approach if necessary but failure simply
is not the end of your story.
4.
Build your circle: Someone once said, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” I know this sounds clichĂ© but no
truer words have ever been spoken. Your friends and the people who you
associate with speak volumes about who you are. Is your circle supportive? Is
your circle successful? Make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who
want to see you win just as much as you want to them win. You can go to the
club with anybody but you can’t strategize with anybody.
5.
Keep it in perspective: A few days ago I was in
my kitchen washing dishes and I began to cry. No, not because I hate washing
dishes so much but because I realized I was standing in the kitchen of MY
apartment that I pay the rent on without assistance every single month. Not
once since I moved in back in August have I had to wonder where my rent or
utilities money would be coming from. This is from cry from October of 2014
when I had no idea how I’d make the rest of my rent payments for the semester.
I realized that even though I am absolutely nowhere near where I want to be I
have come so far and I have a lot that I need to be appreciative of. I had to
take a moment to put things in perspective. When you’re going through life’s
daily inconveniences and setbacks it hard for us to really take a moment to
appreciate who we are as individuals and how far we come. Take a moment to put
your life in perspective.
**BONUS** Forgive yourself! At some point or another we
have all made mistakes that is just a fact of life. Yes, some mistakes have
graver ramifications than others but life goes on. You can’t wake up every
morning pissed off by a poor decision you made in 2015. Learn from your
mistakes, grow from them, and move on. No one is perfect. No, not even Beyoncé.
Comments
Thanks,
TOY
Amber :)