Don’t Be Me: The 8 Dating Mistakes I Made

Don’t Be Me: The 8 Dating Mistakes I Made
By: Ryan D. Daniels

My grandma is an extremely wise woman and one of her favorite adages that she reminds me of when I’m beating myself up is, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Meaning we can always look back and see exactly where we messed up at. In all honesty, I have not had the greatest luck in love. Yes, some of the blame belongs with the men. But a lot of it belongs with me. I decided to take two years off from dating so I could take stock of where I continued to make mistakes in my dating and love life. I seek to write to help people avoid the mistakes I’ve made and here we go.

My 8 Mistakes
Involving with myself with unemotionally unavailable, uninterested men, or men who only wanted to play games.
This was a big one. For some reason, I constantly chose me who made it clear they weren’t with it. My ego thought I could win them over or that I could change their mind. Do not just listen to what a man says you also need to watch what he does and if the two aren’t aligned, move on and move on quickly!
Being stuck on an ex.
Don’t be the girl who is stuck on ex. Before you get back out there make sure you’re completely over your past relationship.  Sometimes, even if you think you’re over it if you find yourself still clocking his social media or bringing him up in conversation you’re not over him. Don’t drag that baggage into your next relationship.

Lowering my standards.
Do not lower your standards. Be realistic but do not lower your standards. You need non-negotiables. Do not go out with a bum ass dude if you’re not interested in him. Set your standards and know your worth. It’s worth it to be myself instead of being with the wrong man. Do not let someone give you a wooden nickel.

Being afraid of being lonely.
Don’t be afraid of being lonely. If you’re not comfortable with being alone, you reek of desperation, and you set yourself up for failure and ill treatment. Find a hobby, find something that makes your empty time full.

Doing the F*CKING most.
When I was into a dude I would do the absolutely most. Cooking dinner, “good morning” texts, “what are we?” conversations, and whatever I thought would “seal the deal”. Doing the most means you’re desperate, being desperate lowers your desirability, and cheapens your brand.

Not making my expectations clear.
I used to be afraid of making my dating expectations clear even though I knew exactly what I wanted. I was afraid to vocalize it because I didn’t want to scare a dude away. Plot twist! A man who is into you will vibe with it and if he’s not he’s keeping it moving. If you’re dating for a relationship, say it.  Don’t say you’re just “going with the flow” or you’re just “seeing where things go.” Be honest!

Not being comfortable in my own skin.
How we feel about ourselves has a lot to do with how we date. If we don’t love ourselves we’re incapable of truly loving others. If we do not love ourselves we let other shape perception of ourselves. Know who you are or someone else will tell you who you are and they will lie. Love yourself, know yourself, and be comfortable with yourself. This is a major key!

Not taking it slow.

Know what you want but be patient. I’m not saying wait ten years but also know that great things aren’t built overnight. Don’t rush, when you rush you miss key details and make mistakes (sometimes mistakes you can’t come back from). When we rush with ignore issues that can become major problems down the line. Take your time and enjoy it. “Patience is bitter but the fruit is sweet.”


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