Since July, I have probably blocked more men that I have blocked in my whole entire adult life. Why? Because I’m done allowing men to waste my time and I’m dead set on reclaiming my time. And that word to Auntie Maxine.
I have a saying that time is more important than money. I have lost a lot of money or squandered a lot of money. But the beautiful thing is I can make everything one of those pennies back if I do what I need to do. However, I have also lost a lot of time or squandered a lot of time. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I work I will never be able to get those precious seconds back.
One of the greatest consumers of wasted time was men and my desire to be loved paired with my fear of loneliness and rejection. I cringe when I think about the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and cumulative years that I spent crying over, laboring for, stressing over, chasing after, loving, caring for men who quite frankly weren’t worth a single second of my time. And now here we are with a phone full of blocked numbers.
Let’s take for a second to examine the most recent addition to my blocked list, Eric*. Over the past few years, I’d seen Eric at a few different events. Although, he wasn’t my type I still thought he was attractive albeit out of my league but attractive. I finally got up the nerve to approach him at a Grits N’ Biscuits party last April. My approach was mad corny (I asked him where he went to college to like I didn’t already know the answer.) Life went on he didn’t further pursue the conversation and I went on to twerk my night away.
I noticed him again at another party this past August. I didn’t speak nor did he speak. Eventually we befriended each other on Facebook and began to have DM conversations about the latest episodes of “This Is Us” and eventually we became flirtatious and exchanged numbers. He was cool, funny, and smart plus he had a wicked sense of humor. Through normal conversation we both reveal where we were at on the relationship spectrum; I want some serious and he was just playing the field. I respected that and categorized him under “friend”.
However, Eric was persistent in letting me know he was sexual attracted to me. I’m celibate and I know at this point I want something more than a hard dick I want a hard diamond from a man who is serious about me, no exceptions. Finally, things came to a head this past weekend because my patience with him had worn thin. Eric made it clear through his constant pursuit of sex that he didn’t think I was interesting , that he didn’t think I was wife material, nor was he interested on getting to know me on a more personal level. He could tell I was being short and curt via text so I finally told him that I was cutting off contact for the aforementioned reason. His response? “That’s cool, no biggie.”
His four word response let me know everything I needed to know he was never interested in me and I had let him waste dozens of productive minutes of the past few months. Before another text bubble could appear I blocked his number and I blocked him on all social media platforms on which we were connected.
Prior iterations of me would have hung on and tried to make Eric see me differently. However, at this point in the game I don’t have time to waste on people who just want to waste my time. Eric made it clear what he wanted and it damn sure wasn’t my friendship.
I’ve said all of that to say this. Stop letting people waste your time. Be intentional with those who you share you precious time with. If people don’t have the same goals or intentions as you, why continue to allow them to waste your time? We try to hold onto people because we’re afraid of loneliness, or we’re afraid that there is nothing better out there, or we’re just downright complacent. Complacency and fear are both emotions that are counterproductive to our growth. Reclaiming your time allows you to reclaim your power.
As someone once told me “we teach people how to treat us”. The behaviors that we allow are the behaviors that will continue. Allowing someone to waste our time will only leave us bitter and empty. Imagine allowing a man to tell you he wants to see where things go only for you to hold on for two years for him to post another woman as his #WCW and his everything. Imagine allowing a man to take you out on countless dates without any real commitment only for him to drop you like a bad habit when someone more his speed comes along.
Sure I was disappointed in how things unfolded with Eric because I did like him and to be honest, I cried a few tears because currently I am frustrated and discouraged about the current stage of my love life. However, I sleep soundly knowing I didn’t let him waste another second of my time. I’m not going to spend countless hours trying to prove myself to him and I’m not going to spend endless minutes trying to undo the damage that allowing him to stay in my life would’ve caused.
Reclaim your time now versus regretting how you spent your time later.
Don’t Be Me: The 8 Dating Mistakes I MadeBy: Ryan D. Daniels My grandma is an extremely wise woman and one of her favorite adages that she reminds me of when I’m beating myself up is, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Meaning we can always look back and see exactly where we messed up at. In all honesty, I have not had the greatest luck in love. Yes, some of the blame belongs with the men. But a lot of it belongs with me. I decided to take two years off from dating so I could take stock of where I continued to make mistakes in my dating and love life. I seek to write to help people avoid the mistakes I’ve made and here we go. My 8 Mistakes1) Involving with myself with unemotionally unavailable, uninterested men, or men who only wanted to play games. This was a big one. For some reason, I constantly chose me who made it clear they weren’t with it. My ego thought I could win them over or that I could change their mind. Do not just listen to what a man says you also need to watch what he does and if th…
Why I Stopped
Auditioning By: Ryan D. Daniels Originally posted on September 24, 2016 A man wants a woman who
has her own, a woman who can cook, a woman who keeps herself up, a woman who is
this, a woman who is that. At one point in time I saw myself at least in a
happy and stable relationship by the time I was 25. Every time I became halfway
serious with a guy I started auditioning for the wife role—cooking and doing
whatever in between to make him realize I was the “one”. However, as my 26th
birthday draws nigh I realized something the man who is meant for me isn’t
going to need for me to audition.
Foreword to "To Live, Learn, and Die in Halifax Co.":
I am a lifestyle writer not a journalist. I normally write about funny stuff: love, life, and a laughter. I like making people laugh not think; I leave that to serious people. When I posted this essay it wasn't to attack anyone and it wasn't to be attacked or chided in return. Normally my posts get about 100 views in a couple of weeks but within two hours of me posting this piece it had over 1000 views. Let me be clear, I am not an expert on schools, I am not an expert on taxation, I am not an expert on the finances of Halifax County. However, anyone with two eyes can look around and see that Halifax County is SUFFERING. I wrote this piece because I have seen the effects that our piss poor schools have had on my generation and all subsequent generations. I spoke about my grandmother's work ethic and her desire to see her children do better not to focus on her parenting. It was to focus on the fact that the text…